Realization & Re-Evaluating

I met with another of my maternity clients on Friday to go over her session that we are going to do tomorrow. Luckily for me, she also happens to be one of my longest-held friendships as well.

But, last night, as I was making my list of things to do before the shoot tomorrow -- what to take and to remember to format my memory cards and charge my battery -- the real reason I stepped back from photography.

I'm not afraid of failing, as some might take it to be from my post.
I'm afraid of it being successful.

Unfortunately, over the course of my life, I have come to expect failure from myself. I always anticipate falling flat on my face and making a complete spectacle of myself.

This makes no sense, though, because I passed some of the hardest classes my college offers with flying colors.

I think it is that I am just afraid, too, of not having proper time to devote to it.
What if my business takes off, but then I also get a new career position? A photography business takes a lot of time to be successful: marketing, interacting with clients and fans, scheduling, photographing, editing, delivering product, ordering prints and photographic items, meeting with clients, paperwork, and a whole mess of other things.
I'd rather get the career part figured out, first, and then fill in the gaps with the photography part.
I'd love it -- love it, love it, LOVE it -- if I could just do photography full time and have it be gainful. But that part also scares me.

So, for now, I am still on the periphery of the business. I am still honoring those shoots I've agreed to and any shoots which have been inquired about, but I may be back before too long.

2013: Stepping Back

Often in life, decisions are hard to make.
The following decision was one that came a little easier, all things considered.

At this time, I have decided that I am no longer accepting new sessions.

I will still honor sessions from anyone who has inquired about a session, and, obviously, those who have done a bit more than just inquire. However, at this time, and for personal reasons, I am no longer accepting new client work. 

I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused, but please know that this decision has been a long time coming. 

It does seem kind of odd, though, doesn't it, that I am stepping back right when it seems things are about to really take off.
I've had more inquiries in the last six months than I've had in all the previous 18 months combined.
It was just last spring --starting a year ago this month-- that I took a Studio Photography class to learn about studio lighting techniques.
I've had many friends --Krista Juhl of Juhl Photography principally among them-- introduce me to new opportunities and open the door to new experiences in photography over the last year. 

So why step back? If things are going so great and things are looking up, why derail the train? 

I need a breather. 

Yeah, I know, that's rich. There are photographers out there doing six shoots every weekend and at least two more during the week, in addition to raising their children, keeping their house clean, and juggling everything else in life, but poor little ol' me, who has one shoot every quarter (if I'm lucky), has no children (except a fuzzy one named Bailey who requires a leash every time she needs to relieve herself), and has minimal housekeeping duties, needs a break. 

I'm just going to re-examine where I am and how photography will really, truly, fit into my life. 

Do I really want to continue to offer this as a business? Or do I just want to do it for fun? 

I've tried for the last two and a half years to make it be both, but a fun business hasn't made any profit, or really turned out much of an attractive portfolio. 

Photography has been one of the things that has made me the happiest.
I can capture the world around me and share my unique perspectives with people. 

...but does that require me to have a client list? Does that require me to have a sitting fee? Should it? 

I decided about a month ago that out of all the styles of photography that exist, that I am closest to a lifestyle photographer.
I like to capture people in their otherwise unmemorialized everyday, doing what it is they do. Natural poses for clients in natural environments. 

It makes sense, especially because it (1) causes a permanence to exist for fleeting moments and (2) that line of thinking is what drew me to take photography more serious anyway.

This decision, to take a step back, is not a permanent one. I will be back. 

I just need space, and time, to think things over. To reacquaint myself with myself.
Hopefully, to start a new career and move out of my parents' house -- again. 

And figure out where photography is going to fit into all of this, and how deeply. 

I will still be posting work. I still have clients on my list; I still have sessions scheduled on my calendar. (And there are five weddings on tap so far this year! Woot woot!)
And I will be posting personal work. I don't plan on being photographically lazy. There will be more landscapes. More art. More springscapes. More animalscapes. More lifestyle photography from my own life. And, perhaps, more expressive work as well.

So I am taking a hiatus. Hopefully you will be around to see what happens during and after.

Thank you for your understanding. 

Dusting Off the Compass

With my impending graduation getting ever closer, I am faced with the choice of deciding what to do next. Do I work for a while? Do I go right to school?

Part of me says, "Hey, you'll be in a new city; why not do both? Go to school, and you'll have weekends to do photography part time."
Another part of me says, "Hey, remember when you tried that and it didn't go over so well?"

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my future where photography is concerned.
I know that it is something I will always do -- it is a part of me now: that cannot be changed.
But what to do about it? How big of a role should it play in my life? Should it just be something that I do for fun? Should I do it for fun and try to sell my better art pieces? Should I offer my services on the weekends?

I will not lie: there have been a few times when I thought about hanging up the camera strap completely. [Insert ramble of negative thoughts and things that may make potential clients eschew my services.] 


I think that moving to a new town will force me to market myself in new ways. Here, I haven't been doing everything I could (or should) do. I know that. I recognize that. I've even had things ready to market myself, I just...haven't. [Insert shaming finger-wag here.]
Perhaps focusing more attention on getting my work out to local eyes would elicit more business. I do not plan on taking this action where I am presently, though, because in five and a half months, when it comes time for me to move to Denver, I will have just established myself in the local eyes, and then uproot and do it all over again 50 miles away. No, it is much too late for my Greeley client- / fan-base to grow.

Besides, Greeley is not regarded at the moment for being a center of art. No one seeks Greeley out for the artisan shops. There is the annual Arts Picnic, but the majority of the vendors that I have seen when I attend come from other cities, 20+ minutes away. The University of Northern Colorado draws minor artisanal-quality shops and lifestyles around it, supported mostly by the larger-city students who attend the school.

I have also thought about making photography a bigger part of my life.
I would love to offer traditional packages to people: engagement sessions, weddings, family photos, portraits, senior shots, kiddo sessions, newborn sessions, maternity sessions...
...but seeing as how I do not have much experience in those arenas --I have never shot a maternity session, but the others I have-- it will be harder to get clients for those arenas because there is not much to see in the way of examples of my work. (Offer some free shoots on Craigslist? Don't mind if I do!)
Honestly, yes, I have thought about majoring in photography. But, I would be focused on shooting things, objects, and food, like doing spreads for household magazines. I do not know what it is about those shots, but they have been appealing to me.

That is not to say that I will stop offering the traditional shoots. 

I have been meaning to take inventory of my life for a long while: to define where I want to end up, living-wise and career-wise.
Photography is not my only prospective major. Neither is art or ceramics. I have considered everything from teaching (as shared in a previous post) to being a counselor, one who specializes in addictions or just a regular therapist-type. My Creative Writing class really re-stimulated my dormant *not dead* love of writing these last two semesters, and with that reawakening came a dormant dream of possibly pursuing it in the future as well. {Ideas have already started forming for books to write about; some of them have already been presented to the classes over the last two semesters.} I have also thought of possibly becoming an editor for a publication (newspaper, magazine) or for a publishing company. (Y'know the ones to whom authors submit their works to be looked over...etc.)

The app for MSCD is due in March, so I have until then to decide on a major.
I just cannot believe that this is happening again. Every time something happens with me going to college (even when I enrolled at Aims) I always have a hard time deciding what to do. Maybe it's because I want to do it all!
There we go, that's what I can major in: Renaissance Womanhood! =P