I met with another of my maternity clients on Friday to go over her session that we are going to do tomorrow. Luckily for me, she also happens to be one of my longest-held friendships as well.
But, last night, as I was making my list of things to do before the shoot tomorrow -- what to take and to remember to format my memory cards and charge my battery -- the real reason I stepped back from photography.
I'm not afraid of failing, as some might take it to be from my post.
I'm afraid of it being successful.
Unfortunately, over the course of my life, I have come to expect failure from myself. I always anticipate falling flat on my face and making a complete spectacle of myself.
This makes no sense, though, because I passed some of the hardest classes my college offers with flying colors.
I think it is that I am just afraid, too, of not having proper time to devote to it.
What if my business takes off, but then I also get a new career position? A photography business takes a lot of time to be successful: marketing, interacting with clients and fans, scheduling, photographing, editing, delivering product, ordering prints and photographic items, meeting with clients, paperwork, and a whole mess of other things.
I'd rather get the career part figured out, first, and then fill in the gaps with the photography part.
I'd love it -- love it, love it, LOVE it -- if I could just do photography full time and have it be gainful. But that part also scares me.
So, for now, I am still on the periphery of the business. I am still honoring those shoots I've agreed to and any shoots which have been inquired about, but I may be back before too long.
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